Progressive

PROGRESSIVE:

1. A politician who wears his opinions pompadour.
2. An obstructionist who grows fat on conservatism and conversation.
3. A reactionary to whom movement and motion are necessary in order to keep warm, and secure gulps and guzzles.
4. A hungry or unsuccessful person; hence, an explosive, quixotic fellow with empty pockets and a shallow pate.
5. One who has felt the slings and arrows of outrageous success that has come to others.
6. A political piker, who will not play the game according to the rules which he himself devised.
7. One who would recall all decisions that do not uphold his claims.
8. A man who steals a label, and clapping it on himself, thinks that he is It.
9. A plan for going forward by backing up to mob rule. (The first Progressive of whom we know was Judas. The next was Ananias. Lazarus was a Progressive, and had he married the Queen of Sheba he would have changed places with Dives. E. g., "This age belongs to the Progressives."--From Kazook's Confessions of a Popular Lick-Spittle.)