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Scholar

SCHOLAR:

  1. An ornate fossil.
  2. A deadly ptomain that infests all forms of dynamic thought.
  3. An impenetrable mass of matter that contains within itself the principle of unchangeability.
  4. A turtle on whose shell is carved certain hieroglyphic lettering; such as, Ph. D., M. D., LL. D.
  5. A medieval owl that roosts in universities, especially those that are endowed.
  6. A plaster-of-Paris convolute.
  7. A man, long on advice but short on action, who thinks he thinks.
  8. One who draws his breath and salary.
  9. Anybody with a bulging brow and no visible means of support.