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Paradise

PARADISE:

  1. A place where one is permitted to continue one's vices, excesses and inanities for an eternity.
  2. A postmortem rake-off.
  3. Any place from which one can see a friend in Hell.
  4. One good telephone system. (Christians, Mohammedans and Billysundays have promised themselves a cheerful time after death; this they call Paradise. The Jews are the only people who have no Paradise beyond the tomb; this is easily explained when it is remembered that they own New York.)